Tales from work:
So tonight I was doing a bit of side work with Jon and he started telling me about his husband. He was adorable and very very smilie about it, which made me, of course, smile like an idiot while he dried the same glass for like five minutes. We then proceeded to discuss that I knew Andrew Williamson since Jon used to work at Pininni's. Then he smiled apologetically and said, "So tell me about the person you love." My hands froze inside the glass I was holding and I looked at him slowly, "What makes you think I love anyone?" I slowly set the glass on the bar and looked at him. He looked very thoughtful for a moment, "You don't look at other people the way single people do... or even the way that couple people do that aren't happy. You look at people with this objective expression. Almost like it wouldn't matter if they were attractive to you in a physical way or even emotionally. You look at people like it wouldn't make a difference because you've already found that someone." My eyes were locked on the puddle of water pooling on the bar from the freshly washed dishes. I wanted to cry. I wanted to vomit. Anything other than being right where I was. Jon mumbled my name and I realized I hadn't responded to him. I cautiously looked up at him and tried to smile. It didn't work though. Jon awkwardly patted my arm, "Are you okay, hun? I'm sorry, I should mind my own business." I picked up another glass, "I do love someone. It won't ever work out though." He made this dramatic sound that made me smile inspite of myself, "Girl, guys are dicks anyways. Well, I'm gay so... you know what I mean. Date girls, I hear they're the shit." I started laughing at that and told him that was definitely not the answer. He paused and goes "YOU'RE A LESBIAN AREN'T YOU? I KNEW IT!" I smiled sadly and told him I didn't know what I was.

It made me realize that I honestly don't know who i am... or even what i am.